301. The Power of Purpose: How to Find Clarity and Create Lasting Change with Ian Lobas

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The Daily Helping Episode 301: Ian Lobas

Ian Lobas: [00:00:00] I know what men need because I was that guy crushing it every day and miserable at home and hating myself and doing anything I could to selfsabotage just for peace. And, you know, it can happen. It's very easy, actually. I have guys that are like, yeah, maybe for you. And I'm like, look, all it takes is a dedication and a desire to change, and then like the dedication to stay in it. And if you do the work, it will work for you. And if you don't want it to work, then it won't work for you. It's that easy.

Dr. Richard Shuster: [00:00:35] Hello and welcome to The Daily Helping with Dr. Richard Shuster, food for the brain, knowledge from the experts, tools to win at life. I'm your host, Dr. Richard. Whoever you are, wherever you're from and whatever you do, this is the show that is going to help you become the best version of yourself. Each episode you will hear from some of the most amazing, talented and successful people on the planet who followed their passions and strive to help others. Join our movement to get a million people each day to commit acts of kindness for others. Together, we're going to make the world a better place. Are you ready? Because it's time for your Daily Helping. Thanks for tuning in to this episode of The Daily Helping podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Richard. And our guest today is Ian Lobas. And despite building a extraordinarily successful high level business, in 2016 he felt trapped and unhappy, which I know so many people can relate to. The Big Bang moment for him was when his wife said she'd leave him if nothing changed and he made significant course corrections in his life. He chose to make drastic changes to lead an impactful life of purpose. And now he helps men everywhere align with themselves, get clarity on what they want, reconnect with their family, and eliminate what no longer serves them. He also hosts the Men on Purpose podcast, ranked in the top 1 percent of podcasts everywhere on this planet. Ian, welcome to The Daily Helping. It is awesome to have you with us today.

Ian Lobas: [00:02:15] Thanks so much. You know what? I love hearing that bio intro because it reminds me to be grateful, even though, you know, building my business, I don't have everything that I imagine and fantasize about, it still reminds me like you had a choice at that fork in the road. And there was a lot of time that I spent saying, let me just move on from her. Like, this is a pain in the ass. And it was my daughter who was not even one at the time that I thought when my wife said to me, look, you can trade me in, but you can't trade her in. You'll always be her dad and she'll always be watching you. And eventually you're going to have to make evolutions or changes in your life as the man you are and not constantly seek from the outside to make you happy or make you fulfilled. And she said, are you really the measure or model of a man that you want your daughter to attract into her life? And I said no. And that's really what broke me. And I got obsessed with personal growth and development. And I got obsessed with the fact that there was so much surface level out there and there wasn't enough depth for me and there wasn't enough structure for me. And so that's where the story really begins.

Dr. Richard Shuster: [00:03:31] I think what's crazy is this space and it's a crowded space, right? Like personal development is one of these things where, you know, with all due respect to Best Buy employees, you could work at Best Buy in a Thursday and on Friday announce that, you know, you're a top thought leader in personal development and there's really no systems in place to stop anybody from doing that. And so I appreciate that personal development wasn't just a buzzword to you. It wasn't just, you know, a way that you thought you could drive extra revenue. You literally were fundamentally shaken to your core by what your wife said to you. And, you know, this show's audience is pretty cool because we're almost a 50/50 split between men and women. And most of the people who listen to this, they're entrepreneurs or they're thinking about it or they're entrepreneurs. Like they want in some way to improve their relationships, their health, their finances. All of these things resonate with them. And what I love is that you have been out there in the world giving practical, real, not just cream puff kind of buzzwords. You actually have been giving actionable strategies for people how to really level up their lives and say, I just used a buzzword, but truly --

Ian Lobas: [00:04:51] Level up, yeah.

Dr. Richard Shuster: [00:04:52] You're doing it, right.

Ian Lobas: [00:04:53] Next thing we're going to do is unpack a bunch of stuff. Yeah.

Dr. Richard Shuster: [00:04:55] Right, we're going to unpack.

Ian Lobas: [00:04:57] We'll be buzzword all over the place.

Dr. Richard Shuster: [00:04:58] Yeah. So but I do, you know, I want to kind of start base level. So if you're listening to this, whether you're a man or whether you're not and you know somebody in your life or this is resonating with you, that you're at this spot where your relationships are crumbling around you or not what they should be and you're not feeling fulfillment in your job or what you're doing and you really do. What you said really struck me because as a parent, I mean, my whole world is my children. Right? And so most parents would identify with that. So let's start ground level here and take us through, you know, what you do to help people improve in these areas and pick any one that kind of pops into your head at the time. But let's just start there and see what we discover.

Ian Lobas: [00:05:48] I think there's like four to six main areas. And the thing that I've done over the years is I have wanted to create systems and structure and support for myself because I wasn't getting it in full from other people that were coaching me or programs and things like that. And I wanted to eliminate the surface level BS, right, the acquisition. And I realized that personal growth and development is more about elimination than acquisition. Now, a lot of people don't believe that. They want the next thing, the next thing, and all they're doing is repeating the habit that they're doing in their job or with their family, and they're just chasing another thing that's shiny, that makes them feel good. The next guy that hangs up a shingle and says, I'm a coach because I read a book and I got this certificate and I've never been through some stuff in my life, never figured my own stuff out, but I'm going to help you figure your stuff out. And then I'm going to give you surface level junk that I learned from these three courses that wouldn't help you. However, they're going to promise you they're going to help you. Oh, man. Will they help you? Look, they did for me. The problem is that the audio doesn't match the video with most of those people. So a PSA to the audience is be very aware and really, really purposeful about the coach that you hire to guide you on this journey of personal growth and development because there are stuff from your past, there's stuff deep down that you've got to get out. And this person has to have walked the walk. They have to have had hours, hundreds if not thousands of hours in this. Somebody said, man, I feel like you're on a crusade against bad coaches. And I said, I mean, look, you're in a business that has no barrier to entry. You can literally get a coaching certificate for 30 bucks, take an hour long course on the weekend, hang that up, and if you're liked enough, people will come to you. The thing that I wanted was I wanted to know what are real men dealing with, right? Real entrepreneurs, real successful men who have families, who have businesses, who have wives or husbands. Doesn't matter. This is human based. I just happened to market to men. Right? That's what the universe drove to me. And so because we do have women clients and more women listening to Men on Purpose podcasts than men. So it's this human based. Like I wanted to -- it's basically it's driver based, right? It's whoever's masculine energy dominant and driver based, that's who this is for because most likely they are not fulfilled internally. They are not putting themselves first. They are seeking external validation constantly. The depth of their relationships is not as deep as they love it to be, especially with themselves. They're kind of like stuck on their past. They don't really have purpose, even though their job kind of falsely tells them that's their purpose. And so I created this thing to be sustainable. That's what I wanted. Every course, every UPW and by the way, I love UPW and I've crewed a lot and I've learned so much. Here's the challenge for me. It wasn't sustainable. My ADHD brain said I don't want to put effort in if I'm going to have to repeat it in two weeks or if it's not going to last. And so I set out to build this curriculum for myself that would build foundational elements and stage me up that way. And when I slip back, it was one little stage, not the whole way. And I wanted to be able to support people and have them trust that. So I started building it for me. Everything that I built, I use every day because it works and I'm not going to be a hypocrite. I'm building a great company here and a great movement and I use all of these things and I know exactly how they work. We created a language with inside of Men on Purpose so that people can speak the language with inside and they can feel supported by their fellow members when they talk the language inside of MLP. , And my wife said to me you know, if it's working so well for you. Obviously, I saved my marriage. We've been married, like, 11 years now. If it works so well for you and you hate selling real estate, then why don't you just build a coaching business? And truthfully, I was scared. I was scared. I have like all these rejection issues from childhood that I had to deal with that I was kind of tiptoeing around at the time. And I didn't understand that like, I thought I was important in real estate. I thought I was like somebody special. And that was a massive lie. And most people in their jobs are not important, even though they're meant to feel important. That's the HR department making you feel important so that you produce more. Guarantee though if you die, you'll be replaced fast. And so one day in 2017, I asked my broker, hey, man, let me ask you something like privately, like it's going to sound really weird. And he said, what? And I said, what would happen if I died tomorrow? And he goes, are you okay? Are you, like, trying to tell me something? I said, no, I just want to know, like what happens? Like as a real estate agent, what happens if you die or the real estate agent dies? Does that happen? He goes, yeah, it happens. How many transactions do you have? I said, I think I have like 15 open transactions. He goes, well, we would take your transactions on, make sure they all closed up and we'd send merit to check, just as we'd send you the check. Like we send your wife the check and maybe somebody we'll probably take over your database and any referrals that your business that came, they'd probably cut merit check for quite a while, and then that's it. And I said, what about me? And they said, what about you? Like you're dead. And I said, what about me? And I was having this epiphany moment where I realized that this false sense of identity and this ego driven identity and false sense of security that I was getting from my job, which a lot of men have, was total BS. And in that moment, I realized how replaceable I was. And I just started moving on the coaching business at that point. It was end of 2017. And by like, you know, and I'd been coaching other people for years before that. And then I started to realize, I don't know why I'm actually on this planet. And I think that's why I'm constantly like this searching and chasing and trying to find this external validation to make me happy when if I actually knew where I was going, I'd probably be really satisfied and fulfilled and happy with that. And from that, I would understand exactly what moves to make and exactly what to say yes and no to and what to spend my energy on. And I think my life would be easier and I'd have more power for all the stuff that I want to do and accomplish and the time and the money and the energy and the effort for my family and my businesses and to go surfing and to drive up the coast every other weekend. Like, okay. so then I started working on what's my purpose? Why am I here? I started working on that and I started building this exercise called VMP, vision, mission, person equals purpose. And our VMP exercise or mine that I started with was to help me understand the vision that I have for my life, the mission that I'm on, which is basically the quantification of the vision because everything has to be measurable. If it's not measurable, you can't track it. If you can't track it, you are feelings based. And if I said to you, how are you doing with the work? And you said, I feel like I'm progressing, that's not good enough. Because I was tired of saying, I feel like it's working, but I keep going backward and I keep feeling like this. And then I feel great this day and great. When this happens, but bad. When this happens, and what the hell, how do I do this? And no coach could tell me. So I started to build these formulas to quantify every bit of personal growth and development so that there is no feeling and emotion. It's either black or white, yes or no. You're either on track or off track. What that left room for over here was my real feelings to actually come out for me to be more loving and compassionate to my wife and my kids because I didn't have to think about the feelings and the stuff over here that were fake. You know, in the moment, I could really open up and reveal that part of my self that I'd been hiding from or hiding for so long because I was scared to bring them out, the more vulnerable feminine energy side of me. So things started rocking and rolling after that and my wife said, why don't you start teaching this to other people? And so I just started coaching people for free with like, it wasn't called Men on Purpose back then. I think it was called like your defining moments coaching company or something dumb. And no offense. If somebody has that, it's dumb, it's dumb. And then, you know, then it just kind of took off. And in 2021 or like in 2020, when the pandemic hit, like right at that moment, like a week before the pandemic hit, I was speaking on stage at a podcast convention in San Diego about a real estate podcast that I used to host for a mentor of mine. And this lady came up to me and said, hey, I really like your style. I like your vibe, like your energy. I have this thing called Men on Purpose. I'm not really doing anything with it. I'm going to mothball it if somebody doesn't buy it. I think you should buy it. And I was like, oh my gosh, I just had a partner steal like hundreds of thousands of dollars going into the seven figures. You know what, I'll buy it. I call my wife, went back to the lady and I said, I'll buy it. What is it? And she goes, it's a podcast, but it's like 20 minute episodes and it really doesn't have anything. It doesn't track, it doesn't do anything. There's no coaching, there's no nothing, no depth behind it so you can do something with it. And I did. And back then, if you Googled how do you start a podcast? There was no results found on Google. So I just kind of took my chances and I thought, I think the universe sent this to me to do something. And then it's like, okay, how do I build this for men like me who are go getters and, you know, entrepreneurial or high level employees who want to have it all in their lives, they just can't figure out how to move out of their own way, you know? And that's what we did. And that's what it sits as today is like we're helping people find that balance in their life and we're helping men put themselves first and care for themselves and love on themselves and end that need for external validation and trust themselves for maybe for the first time ever in their personal life versus their professional. And it's really freaking rewarding. It's really fulfilling to me every single day. Like I wear a Men on Purpose shirt every day of my life because I'm so proud of what we've built here and what it can do for people.

Dr. Richard Shuster: [00:16:27] That's fantastic. I wanted you to take us through, obviously going through a multi-week experience, right. But take us through a really short, quick VMP activity that people can do to kind of get a taste for this.

Ian Lobas: [00:16:44] Oh, there's so many activities in there. Look, the first one, the first question you can ask yourself is, what do I see as possible for myself and the world through me? And I think that question is really important because when we understand that it's not about us and we understand that, you know, take the world as whatever your world is, it could be your local community, it could be the whole planet, it could be the universe. It doesn't matter. Like what is possible. And the mission of men on purpose is to empower men to free themselves of internal restriction and constraint. So when you free yourself of that internal restriction and constraint, you know, those limitations or those beliefs or those patterns that have held you back, whether you're successful and have a big bank account or not. When you can start thinking about what's possible for myself and the world through me, like, what do I see there? And you're not restricted by it. Like there's something brewing that's big. And so that's the first question I ask in VMP, is what do you see as possible for yourself in the world through you? And that kicks off a series of like another probably 60 questions, probably more than that, and exercises that roll you through discovering like one of our formulas is called the purpose driven formula. It's illuminate, eliminate, calibrate equals acceleration. Everything we do equals something. A result you want, acceleration. And like we have to understand where you're going, why you're not there, who you need to be on the path, what's working, what's not working. We need to eliminate the stuff that's not working. And then we need to calibrate the stuff in that is. And so throughout the whole VMP process, you're actually working through the purpose driven formula as well to illuminate, eliminate and calibrate this really authentic version of you who's not held back by any of the external stuff anymore or the internal stuff. It's a magical place to be. Now, you got to understand that there will be a time where you look at it and go, there's no way I can accomplish that. And you don't have to worry about the how. You just worry about the why and the what. And then we take care of the how because the human grows to the extent or the business or the mission or the vision grows to the extent that the human does. And so our job is to help the human grow so that they can accomplish anything they want.

Dr. Richard Shuster: [00:19:06] I love this. I want to shift gears a little bit because you talked about, you know, the inner work. You talked about, you know, the external stuff. And so when COVID happened, you know, back to the buzzword thing, mental health became a buzzword. It really was. Wellness, like everybody started supporting wellness, wellness, right. But it was a buzzword, not for everybody, but for a lot of people that it was. And so there is certainly this mindset, particularly in entrepreneurs, about powering through anything, crushing, crushing goals, ten X and you know, all these things and really not being vulnerable, not allowing oneself to be anxious to feel depressed, to have self-doubt, because that's not what men do, right? Like there's this mindset that men are invincible and so --

Ian Lobas: [00:20:01] Or warriors or whatever.

Dr. Richard Shuster: [00:20:02] Exactly, right. Power through, crush through, destroy. You know, we use all these violent taglines for everything that we're doing, these violent adjectives. So talk to us about how the work you do does address mental health because it's important.

Ian Lobas: [00:20:24] Yeah. I mean, first stage, that illumination stage is understanding how you've been in your way, how you have allowed things from your past, your programming, your traumas, how you've allowed that to interfere and become a part of the formula that's gotten you the result of your life. Again, there's nothing in our programs out of 50 exercises, not one thing where I'm going to say, how do you feel about that? No, I might say how do you feel about doing the exercise? Not how do you feel the exercise worked for you? Like there's no depth in that. So the mental health piece is addressed when we start to bring up and understand what you're allowing to hold you back from the stuff from your past, the traumas, the mom and dad stuff, the school stuff, societal pressures, and to address the crushing it, whatever buzzwords are there, grinding it, hustle, crushing it. Look, I'm not denying that as entrepreneurs and high level employees, that there's not days that you have to really work a little extra harder or you might work till 10:00 or midnight or something or get up at 5 a.m. Like I got up at 5 a.m. yesterday to let 40 people in our Facebook group and 30 people the day before. I mean, it's growing. So until I hire more people, it's me. And so the reason why we have formulas for everything is because illuminate, eliminate, calibrate equals acceleration. Acceleration is no more grind, no more hustle. So if you get the three parts of that formula down, if you get the VMP down, there's no pushing yourself to go find. You're basically building the formula of who you need to be out in the world and what you need to do to just attract and to manifest. And it's not like woo woo manifest. It's you're now not all in the middle of this thing. You can step back and actually see the whole picture not standing inside the picture. And so the mental health piece is actually addressed. And look, this isn't like severe mental health, schizophrenia, things like that. I'm telling you that for a two thirds of my life, I was on anxiety medication, depression, medication, mood stabilizers, you name it. I don't have any of that stuff today. And I have a very balanced, emotional, you know, life. And I don't take medication because I started to understand why those things were happening. I'm so far in the future worried about that, so resentful and regretful of the past, depression's kicking in. So worried about myself in the present moment and what am I going to do and what do I? Of course my mental health is going to be taxed. I think a lot of the mental health that people are experiencing today is because they just are so in the future in the past. They have no idea where they're going. They are registering with misaligned. They are frustrated. They are in resistance. They have no idea why they keep doing what they're doing because the money is kind of, the funds worn off. The relationships at home are suffering. Maybe their body's suffering. Their mental and emotional health is suffering. They're tired of crushing and grinding. And they want balance. They need balance. Maybe they've never had it. The stuff that we do helps them find that balance so they can actually live their life the exact way they want, have the money, have the family, have the time, and not die early, not be 100 pounds overweight. You know, like you can tackle mental health when you have the right formulas because most mental health, again not downplaying mental health, most mental health challenges that people have are manufactured by them and the shit that they allow in from society and the comparison to others. And your friend's Instagram page of like how's my friend crushing it? My friend's an idiot. How am I not crushing it? Why am I stuck? That's going to bog you down. Then relationship challenges at home. You take them to the office, then you take the office stuff back home. And this vicious cycle rolls for decades until guys get to about 37 to 45, maybe even early 50s, and they go, oh my God, so much of my life has gone by. What do I do now? And they're starting to feel that pressure of the regret and resentment of the choices that they've made. And at that point, what they need is clarity on their direction and their purpose. They need confidence that they can do it and they need courage to execute on it, which we give them. And they need systems and structure. They need support, they need a strategy, and they need something sustainable. And we give that to them. And that's why Men on Purpose has been so popular is because I know what men need, because I was that guy crushing it every day and miserable at home and hating myself and doing anything I could to self-sabotage just for peace. And, you know, it can happen. It's very easy, actually. I have guys that are like, yeah, maybe for you. And I'm like, Look, all it takes is a dedication and a desire to change and then like the dedication to stay in it. And if you do the work, it will work for you. And if you don't want it to work, then it won't work for you. It's that easy.

Dr. Richard Shuster: [00:25:35] You know, I like about this is that you've made everything actionable. Everything is very formulaic. This is very left brain logic kind of stuff that let's, as you said, gives you that space to focus on the emotionality. I just think this is terrific. You know, our time together has flown by. I knew that it would.

As you know I wrap up every episode by asking my guests a single question. And that is, what is your biggest help and that one most important piece of information you'd like somebody to walk away with after hearing our conversation today?

Ian Lobas: [00:26:10] The thing that comes up to my mind first is you got to slow down. You got to slow down and you've got to face whatever monster you think is chasing you. It's probably you. It's probably your past. It's probably something your mom said to you when you were six or eight. If you slow down enough just for a little bit to focus yourself up and really understand the path that you should be on, you're destined to be on, and you can align yourself with that path using formulas and systems with structure and support from somebody like me or you that can actually guide you down that dark path, you don't have to be scared of it anymore. And you can actually change so much of your life and you can leave a legacy that's worth leaving, not a legacy of just dropping some cash on the kids when you die. Something that people are like, man, a part of our lives are missing now because that person was so impactful just in who they were. And oh, they left 25 million. Oh, that's amazing too, but that person was so impactful as who they were. That's real legacy. So that's what I'll leave the audience with.

Dr. Richard Shuster: [00:27:13] I love it. Ian, tell us where people can find out more online about what you're doing.

Ian Lobas: [00:27:18] Yeah, we have a ton of free resources. We have a mini course that's like an hour and a half of me just coaching you through some questions and some structure of our purpose driven formula. It's called the PDF. Not to be confused with APF, it's called Purpose Driven Formula. Just go to our website, Menonpurpose.net and go to free resources and you can download I think it's like probably six or eight free resources on there. You got the podcast, the Men on Purpose podcast, got a free Men on Purpose Facebook community. I'm all about giving people stuff for free because I want them to know that it's possible for them to change and if they want our help with it, they can come to us. And if what we give them for free helps them, then that's a part of my mission. And I'm good with that.

Dr. Richard Shuster: [00:27:58] I love it. I love it. Ian, I have enjoyed our conversation so much. Thanks for coming on The Daily Helping. This was great.

Ian Lobas: [00:28:04] My pleasure. Thank you.

Dr. Richard Shuster: [00:28:06] Absolutely. And to each and every one of you who took time out of your day to listen to this conversation, thank you as well. If you like what you heard, go give us a follow on Apple podcast and leave us a five star review because that helps other people find the show. But most importantly, go out there today and do something nice for somebody else, even if you don't know who they are and post in your social media feeds using the hashtag #MyDailyHelping, because the happiest people are those that help others.