394. “Pray for the Bear” | Slaying What Holds You Back with Carly Fauth

 

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Carly Fauth: 

I think when you're going through something hard, you have to get through it. So whatever you have to do to get through it, just try to be open and honest with yourself and everyone around you.

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

Hello and welcome to The Daily Helping with Dr. Richard Schuster. Food for the brain, knowledge from the experts, tools to win at life. I'm your host, Dr. Richard. Whoever you are, wherever you're from, and whatever you do, this is the show that is going to help you become the best version of yourself. Each episode, you will hear from some of the most amazing, talented, and successful people on the planet who followed their passions and strive to help others. Join our movement to get a million people each day to commit acts of kindness for others. Together, we're going to make the world a better place. Are you ready? Because it's time for your Daily Helping.

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

Thanks for tuning into this episode of the Daily Helping Podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Richard, and I am so excited to share our guest with you today. Her name is Carly Fauth. She is a fitness instructor, movement mentor and founder of FitFunCarly, a virtual program that helps people get fit in 15 minutes a day. A lifelong advocate for mental health through fitness, Carly's passion for wellness deepened when she was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer in February of 2024. As a survivor, she now uses her journey to inspire others to unlock their own extraordinary personal strengths and overcome life's obstacles. And she's here today to talk about her newest book, which is just about that: Pray for the Bear: An Ordinary Person's Guide to Unlocking Extraordinary Personal Strength. Carly, welcome to The Daily Helping. It is awesome to have you with us today.

 

Carly Fauth:

Thank you so much, Dr. Richard. I'm so excited to be here. 

 

Dr. RIchard Shuster:

We're going to have a great conversation. We had a good chat before we hit the red button. And it's interesting, and I'm presuming, and if I'm wrong, tell me, but we talked about the fitness and FitFunCarly. Like your world was very different before your cancer diagnosis, is that correct? 

 

Carly Fauth:

Yeah, it was a shock to me that I even got the diagnosis of breast cancer because my life has been based on being very fit, eating healthy, just living a really healthy lifestyle. So, when I got that diagnosis, it kind of pulled the rug out from under me and I was just shocked because I mean, that's not what I had in mind that was gonna happen after I had led this very active and healthy lifestyle. But that's what's happening to a lot of younger women these days, healthy women that seems to be breast cancer diagnosis season on the rise. 

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

You know, it's interesting. And I'm gonna put you on the spot a little bit because you mentioned that this is on the rise. Are you aware of the numbers or any theories that the medical community has as to why these numbers are spiking? 

 

Carly Fauth:

I think that there… I don't know if there's any proven reasons why these numbers are spiking. I think a lot of it - and this is just me with no medical degree giving my own opinion of why, but I think… I mean, I went through infertility treatments with my oldest son, so maybe that could be a part of it. I think this is what I'm convinced. And again, I don't know if this is true, but the microwave oven came out when my age group was younger and maybe that has something to do with it. I think it's in the environment. I think it's everywhere. So, I mean, I do think that living a healthy lifestyle is very important for prevention. But I do think that there's a lot of stuff out there that's beyond our control. And I don't know if we're ever gonna be able to figure out a true reason why the numbers are spiking. 

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

It's a great answer. And as you were talking, I couldn't help but resonate with it. For myself, and I've talked about this on the show a lot over the years, I had a stroke several years ago, and I was like the living embodiment of what health was supposed to look like, right? Don't drink, don't smoke, never did drugs, eating only healthy foods, exercising every day, meditating. Like life can hit us in ways we don't expect. 

 

And that's why I'm so excited to talk about this book. And I know, usually, when I have an author on the show, I ask them, "Well, why did you write this book? What was the reason you wanted to write the book?" But you wanted to write this book, I presume because of what it took to overcome cancer, right? And so, I think it's great because this book is a book for people with cancer. This book is also a book for people who don't have cancer. So why the title? Why Pray for the Bear? Tell us about that. 

 

Carly Fauth:

So when I was first diagnosed, I had a lot of friends reaching out to me with motivational sayings or little clips on Instagram. And one of my friends sent me a clip from Kobe Bryant. And in it, he said, "If you see me in a fight with a bear, pray for the bear," and I immediately was like, "That is it. That is me. Like, I am gonna overcome this. Like, cancer should be afraid because Carly's coming for it." So that kind of became my rallying cry.  And so, when I sat down and had this idea to write a book, honestly, like I can't imagine writing a book with any other title, because everything just fit under that title. 

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

No, it totally makes sense. And so, take us through the book. Like let's jump into the meat of it because, you know, obviously to overcome anything as serious as cancer takes tremendous resolve. Is that something that you felt you had before? Like, did you think you were… you know, 'cause fitness requires some degree of mental, you know, stamina and determination. So do you think you were built for this or did the diagnosis really turn you into the person who would fight the bear? 

 

Carly Fauth:

That's a really good question. I think I was built for this, and maybe it would be something else if it wasn't cancer. I think that my viewpoint towards fitness is a little different than the average fitness instructor. When I work with clients, even before cancer, it has always been to help people find a foundation of fitness that they enjoy, so they wanna do it. So, there's a big joy piece in the movement, but also using fitness as kind of a practice ground for how you're gonna face challenges in life, because I think it really is a great practice ground. It's a chosen challenge. 

 

I always use like a Tabata as an example, 20 seconds on, 10 seconds off, and you are working so hard, and then you have your rest, and you don't wanna do it, and there's this fear coming against this Tabata. But once you accomplish it, you realize the fear was a lot more than the actual work, and the pride you feel when you're done. So, I think there's a lot of analogies that can be used by putting yourself in tougher fitness situations. Again, everything's relative. It doesn't have to be an ultra marathon. Maybe yours is just making sure you show up for your workouts every day. 

 

So, I think that that basis or that foundation helped me get through my diagnosis. But what I was also realizing when I was going through chemo is I was thinking about all the other challenges I have been through in my life since I was a little kid and really hard times. And I remember going through those situations and being like, "Why do I have to go through this? I just feel so uncomfortable. I don't understand it." And all of a sudden, all those pieces, it felt like a puzzle. They were all put together. And I thought to myself, you know, I was put in those situations and I was kind of encouraged to get myself through them by digging deep to kind of prepare me for these bigger challenges down the road.

 

So, I wanted to write a book about that. Movement did play a big piece of it, but also pulling on past challenges. And the other thing that really played a big role in my decision to write the book is I realized that I had really surrounded myself with a great group of people. And over the years, I had been very selective of who I was surrounding myself with. And that is a huge piece to being able to face life's battles as well. 

 

So between those three things, I felt like they all kind of played off each other and I had a lot to say about that. So I decided to sit down and write a book about it. Everyone was telling me I should journal, but for some reason I couldn't get myself to journal until I said, "No, I'm gonna make this a book." And then it was very therapeutic. 

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

Amazing, so let's go through the book. And I said, let's dive into it. And then I asked you a question totally unrelated to the book. But now-

 

Carly Fauth:

That's okay.

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

Now, we're really gonna talk about the book. 

 

Carly Fauth:

Let's dive in.

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

Let's talk about the book. So, you know, obviously this is a book for somebody who has been through cancer or hasn't, right? This is a book about resiliency. So, let's jump in Carly 101 on what we need to do to destroy the bear. 

 

Carly Fauth:

Yeah. So, first, I think movement would be the biggest piece. So I talk a lot about what was really important to me, and I'll use cancer as my bear, because we all have different bears that are put in our path. But I don't think it really matters what it is, movement plays a big part of it, because when we move, it is good for the brain, it is good for the body, it's good for, obviously like I just said, your mental health and your physical health. And I think that's so key in being able to rise up against whatever's in your path, is that mind-body connection. It's not just a physical strength, it has to be a mental strength as well. 

 

So whatever that movement piece looks like to you, for me on my worst days of chemo, sometimes it was really hard to get out of bed and I couldn't imagine being able to go downstairs, put my sneakers on, and go for a walk because I was so nauseous. But I realized that if I did that, I would feel better. The symptoms would be better. So, you can think of that with anything, any struggle. If you move, I don't think you will ever regret the decision to move your body. It will only help you feel better mentally and physically against what you're up against. 

 

The other piece, like I said before, is really reflecting on your past challenges. So whether that be maybe you are journaling, or maybe you're just thinking, or just really trying to learn the lessons from your past and use what you have learned from your challenges to face whatever it is you're up against. Because I mean, I think this is a good lesson for parents too that it's hard to see our kids struggle, nobody wants to see your kids fall down but it's really important that you help your kids learn how to face challenges at a young age so that when they are an adult, they are able to pull on those experiences to help them face those bigger things. 

 

And then, the other thing is community. Whatever that looks like to you, maybe you're a private person and it's just your immediate family, but really strengthening those bonds because when you feel like you're gonna fall down, you're gonna need those people that have their hands on your back to push you back up. And if you're not careful with who you're surrounding yourself with, as far as positive energy or people who truly care about you, that can have an adverse effect on your whole attitude towards facing what it is you're facing. So, those are the things that really I kept coming back to in my mind on my worst days was how grateful I was for those three things. 

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

I wanna talk a little bit more about community because to me it's really, it's almost like a double edged sword. Like on one hand, you want to have the people in your life who are there to support you. You definitely want to get rid of the people who don't want to support you. But I know people that have had illness, oftentimes, report that they're frustrated and annoyed when people treat them very differently than they did before, right? Talk to us about your experience with that and how people should mitigate that.

 

Carly Fauth: 

Well, I feel really lucky that it seemed like people crawled out of the woodwork and it seemed like I did get a lot of love and attention and support from people that I wasn't even expecting to, or some people I didn't even know that well. So that was really nice. But there are those people who you think will show up for you. And then all of a sudden, you realize that they don't and that can be kind of a hurtful experience. 

 

I think it's really important to remember that as sad as you are and as angry as you may be, there may be a reason why that person isn't showing up for you. What you're going through may trigger something for them that they can't… maybe it makes them too sad to show up, which is not making an excuse for it. I guess two things there, if you're the person going through the hard time, try to focus on the people that do show up for you and you get to make the choice if you wanna still be there, have a relationship with the people who don't. 

 

And I guess if there's anyone listening who is going through the problem of not being able to show up for a person because it triggers something in them, tell the person. Just keep the lines of communication open because that person, it's gonna come across differently to them than maybe you think it will as they're going through it, and you may lose the relationship in the end. 

 

So, I think communication is the biggest thing within the community to communicate with the people in your community, people that are showing up with you, people who maybe aren't, and also communicating with yourself who makes you feel better and who maybe doesn't make you feel so great and not feeling bad that it's okay to let go of the people who aren't maybe bringing you what you need at that time.

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

Or maybe let them go for now. 

 

Carly Fauth:

For now, yes. 

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

Yeah.

 

Carly Fauth:

Yeah. It's okay. Feelings are valid. I think when you're going through something hard, you have to get through it. So whatever you have to do to get through it, just try to be open and honest with yourself and everyone around you. 

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

That's good, that's great advice. So I love when authors come on my show and some of the chapters of their books are fun or thought-provoking. So, you've got a chapter in the book called Find Your Belinda. What is that all about? 

 

Carly Fauth:

Yeah, so I'm very close with my brother. He's very funny. And when I was first diagnosed with cancer, when we found out it was a tumor, he decided to personify my tumor and we named my tumor Belinda. No offense to any Belindas out there, it's a lovely name. It's just the name that we came up with. And then, Belinda took on a whole character where, not even gonna say where she said where we said Belinda was from, because I don't want to insult anybody from that area. But it just kind of-

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

God forbid there be actually somebody named Belinda from that area. 

 

Carly Fauth:

I know. Can you imagine? Everyone always texts me like pictures of receipts and stuff of their waitress's name was Belinda. They're like, "We found her."

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

That's so funny. 

 

Carly Fauth:

So yeah, the hashtag for my cancer journey or whenever the people that were giving me support was #DBB and that stands for that … it's a bad word. I don't know if I could say it. The bad word for a girl, B-I-T-C-H, Belinda. So, it's D-B-B was the letters. So that was on everything. And my brother would do these Instagram reels where he'd personify Belinda. Like the day that I had my surgery, Belinda was evicted. So, I kind of added humor to a very serious situation, which is very important to me. I think it's okay to laugh at scary things. I think it helps. It gives you strength that can kind of change the energy of a situation. So, yeah, Belinda was my tumor, and Belinda was evicted, and Belinda is no more. 

 

Dr. RIchard Shuster:

Tell us why you think the personification of whatever your bear is so important. 

 

Carly Fauth:

I think because it kind of allows you to… in a way it makes it… like I said before, it makes it less scary. So, it's like, you can actually almost see the physicalness of what it is you're going through. So like imagining cancer as a bear or imagining the tumor as Belinda, I think it's helpful because you can visualize it. And if you can visualize it, it just makes it easier to tackle, like it's not so abstract. 

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

Oh, totally makes sense. There's another chapter I want to ask you about. It wasn't as funny as Belinda, but Stay in Your Moment. Talk to us about that one. 

 

Carly Fauth:

Yeah. So I really feel like it's really easy to get overwhelmed, especially when you are thinking about all the things that could happen to you and it can get very scary. But I think it's important to remember that you are in your own experience. So, to think beyond of what could happen or what's happening to somebody else and have it always come back to you, that can really set you back. 

 

So just remember that you're where you are. Don't think too far ahead of yourself. Don't think in the past. Just try to stay right where you are. I think, it's staying in the present moment, which everybody talks about is an important place to be. But own wherever you are and don't jump ahead of yourself. 

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

I love that. And I wanna ask you a question that's different because the book is a blueprint of what you should do to fight your bear. You went through a very powerful journey. What are a couple of things you would tell people absolutely not to do? Like what are the things you would tell people to stay away from? 

 

Carly Fauth:

Stay away from Google. Don't Google your cancer. I mean, you could Google your symptoms. I would just stay off the Internet. I mean, there's so much information out there, and other people's journey has nothing to do with yours. Just listen to your doctors. Listen to the people that you trust. You don't want to get overwhelmed with, again, the things that could happen or the worst case scenarios. Yeah, so stay off Google. 

 

I would say I really think it's important to move. I think that's one of the things that I think is, like, imperative. And give yourself grace. So, when you're going through any difficult situation, you might come up against things that make you feel completely not like yourself. And you may beat yourself up over that. Like going back to the community, if it's somebody you don't feel like seeing, who's a very nice person, but for some reason, you just don't feel like being in their presence, it's okay. You're going through a hard time. You're gonna get through it. It will change you. You're not gonna be the same person you were before, but you will evolve and you will become… if you allow yourself, if you choose to see it that way, you will evolve into a better version of yourself if you are able to pick out the things that can make you stronger. 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

So the way you phrased that was really beautiful. If you choose to see it that way. 

 

Carly Fauth:

There's always a choice.

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

That's right. And I always tell people that when things happen to us, we have really two things we can do, right? We can ball our fist up to the sky and get mad at whatever deity we choose to believe in, or we can say, you know, what are the lessons, right? What are the positives? And I know, getting a medical diagnosis like cancer, if somebody is listening to this, and if you do have cancer or a serious health issue, you may be saying, I have cancer. What positives are there? But I'd love for you to share. I mean, obviously, aside from becoming a bestselling author, undoubtedly going through that journey has made you stronger, has made you probably… there's probably a lot of things that have happened. Not necessarily pulling out of the book, but just kind of at a higher level, talk about the things you're grateful for and the things that you learned and how you've grown having gone through something like this. 

 

Carly Fauth:

Yeah, I think the biggest thing is… and somebody brought this up as soon as I was diagnosed with cancer, she told me, she said, "You are going to see human kindness at a level that you would never be able to see it if you didn't have this diagnosis." She said, "Just trust me, you're gonna see some beautiful things and some beautiful people." And I have to tell you that I have never experienced that version of humanity like I did when I was diagnosed and all through my journey. 

 

I mean, I had this thing where I committed to doing a burpee a day until I beat cancer. And I had people showing up in my driveway doing burpees. I had people across the country, schools doing burpees in my honor. Like people I didn't even know. I had people dropping food at my doorstep who I had never talked to. People were checking on me who I never expected would even care about me. The things that people… I feel like especially in the time we're in now in the world, things can feel really dark, but there is so much light there. And sometimes, the darkest things you go through allow you to see the brightest light around you. And you need to have that darkness to see the light. It's a balance. 

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

It's so true. Carly, I didn't talk about this during your bio, but I know that you have a podcast of your own called Chemo Coffee Talk. Tell us about how that got started and what you talk about on your show. 

 

Carly Fauth:

Yeah. So, it started when I was going in for my first treatment of chemo. I was scared to death. And how I usually deal with things is kind of reframing them. That's always been my secret. So I thought to myself, "How can I reframe this chemo situation? I'm so scared." And then I thought, "You know what? I'm gonna take people in the chemo room with me. I'm gonna start a podcast from my chemo chair." So I had no idea how to do a podcast, but I signed up for a podcast platform and got two little microphones. And I just started interviewing my chemo buddies, the people that came with me to chemo. And the framework was that I would talk a little bit about what chemo was like, where I was at in the chemo stage, how I was feeling. 

 

But then the main part of the episodes would always be talking to my chemo buddies and allowing me to tell them what I learned from them, and why they were so special to me, and allowing them to kind of open the door to giving other people advice or tips for how they could be more like them. 

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

When you see your chemo buddies, these were actually people who were receiving chemotherapy. 

 

Carly Fauth:

No. These were my-

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

No, they weren't. 

 

Carly Fauth:

Yeah, nope. I had a group of people, a bunch of people who reached out and said, "I would like to go to chemo with you. So I didn't have to go alone."

 

Dr. RIchard Shuster:

Okay, I got you. 

 

Carly Fauth:

Obviously, my husband came with me first. But then, there were a lot of people that just wanted to come with me. And I thought that's a great way to spend time with people. Chemo's long, my chemo was long, so I thought this would be a great way to fill the time. And so, it was just really interesting to see how even the people who were coming with me were kind of like, "I'm so nervous, I don't wanna be on your podcast. What if I have nothing to say?" but allowing people… kind of cheering for people and letting them know how much you appreciate them, and then opening the door to let them open up about it, it was such a beautiful thing. The episodes are so beautiful. And it's also inspiring and just… it was a way for me to give credit to people who may not have a platform to share what they've accomplished. And they were fantastic people. So, I feel really good about that. 

 

When I was done with chemo, I didn't wanna stop the podcast, so I continued it from my kitchen. And now it's called Chemo Coffee Talk. And now, I interview doctors and experts and other patients, always with a theme of hope and resilience. Some of the topics can be kind of tough and sad, but I always try to infuse it with hope and humor. And I plan to keep going with it because I wanna help. I wanna help normalize cancer since like we talked about in the beginning, it just seems like so many people are getting diagnosed. I was so afraid, so it is a scary situation, but I just want people to feel less alone and feel like we can talk about it. It's a scary thing, but it's gonna happen and let's not sweep it under the carpet. Let's all be open about it.  And so we can comfort each other and hold each other's hands. 

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

Amazing. And we'll have links to your podcast, as well as your book, in the show notes at drrichardshuster.com. Carly, I've loved our conversation and what you've gone through and turned that into a book to help other people kill their own bears basically or their Belindas I should say, right? 

 

Carly Fauth:

Belindas or bears. 

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

Yeah, Belindas or bears, really amazing. So, as you know, I wrap up every episode by asking my guest, what is your biggest helping, that one most important piece of information you'd like somebody to walk away with after hearing our conversation today? 

 

Carly Fauth:

Don't lose hope. Just always look for that bright light. Keep your eye on the horizon and believe in yourself that you are always stronger than you think you are. 

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

Well said. Tell us where people can learn more about you online. 

 

Carly Fauth:

Yes, my website is fitfuncarly.com. My Instagram handle is at @FitFunCarly. And Chemo Coffee Talk is on Spotify and I'm trying to get it on YouTube as well. I just have to get to it. And then, my book is on Amazon, Pray for the Bear.

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

Perfect. And as I said a few moments ago, everything Carly Fauth will be available in the show notes at drrichardshuster.com.  So, we got you covered. Well, Carly, I've enjoyed this so much. Thank you for coming on today. 

 

Carly Fauth:

Thank you, Dr. Richard. 

 

Dr. Richard Shuster:

Absolutely. And for those of you listening to this at home, thank you as well if you liked it, if you're inspired, if you know that there's just somebody that should hear this episode right now, go give us a follow and a five star review on your podcast app of choice, because that is what helps other people find the show. But most importantly, go out there today and do something nice for somebody else, even if you don't know who they are, and post it in your social media feeds using the hashtag #MyDailyHelping because the happiest people are those that help others.