334. Embracing Your Unique Tune: A Guide to Authentic Communication with Chris Ullman

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Chris Ullman: 

I mean, we're all human, so you're going to have some reaction to impediments, but can you focus on the logic, manage the emotion, and then figure out how to go above and beyond through whatever the impediment?

Dr. Richard Shuster: 

Hello and welcome to the Daily Helping with Dr. Richard Shuster, food for the brain, knowledge from the experts, tools to win at life. I'm your host, Dr. Richard. Whoever you are, wherever you're from, and whatever you do, this is the show that is going to help you become the best version of yourself. Each episode, you will hear from some of the most amazing, talented, and successful people on the planet who followed their passions and strive to help others. Join our movement to get a million people each day to commit acts of kindness for others. Together, we're going to make the world a better place. Are you ready? Because it's time for your daily helping.  

Thanks for tuning in to this episode of The Daily Helping Podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Richard. And our guest today is so unique and brilliant that I'm so excited to share him with all of you today. His name is Chris Ullman. He's a communications professor, author, inspirational speaker, mentor, and Champion Whistler. We're going to definitely have to talk about that.  

He is the president of Ullman Communications, a strategic advisory firm, and he previously served as the director of global communications at the Carlyle Group. He led communications at the White House Budget Office, ran the public affairs office at the US Securities and Exchange Commission, and was the spokesperson for the US House Budget Committee.  

He has been everywhere, Dow Jones, The Tonight Show, The Today Show, People Magazine, CBS This Morning, The Washington Post, CNN, Time Magazine, NPR, CNBC, New York Times, The Associated Press, and more. He is here to talk about his newest book, Four Billionaires and a Parking Attendant, Success Strategies of the Wealthy, Powerful, and Just Plain Wise. Chris, welcome to The Daily Helping. It is awesome to have you with us today.

Chris Ullman: 

Well, Dr. Richard, I am so blessed to be here. Thank you for having me on and really appreciate your very kind introduction.

Dr. Richard Shuster: 

Absolutely. A lot to live up there and some exciting stories to talk about. So what I want to do first and I love doing this with people, let's jump in the Chris Ullman time machine, take us back to what puts you on the path you're on today.

Chris Ullman: 

Well, this is really cool. So this, most people probably, and your listeners are familiar with the thing called the Internet. Well, there was no Internet back in 1987 when I was looking for a job here in Washington, DC, where I live. So I went to a library, that's a place that has books in it, and I found a directory of associations. These are trade organizations that represent special interests. And I found one called the American Symphony Orchestra League. And it was a trade association for small and medium sized orchestras. And that simple act literally set me on a pathway.  

Now, 37 years later, meaning that that cold call I made to that organization led to an interview, which led to a job at a different organization, which was a small public relations firm. And I have been now in PR my whole career in the government sector on Capitol Hill and the executive branch in two different presidential administrations, the White House itself and then the Securities and Exchange Commission, which oversees the stock markets. And then I ended up at the Carlyle Group, which is a global investment firm, where I led their global communications for 18 years. And then five years ago started my own little PR firm. And I'm a one-man band. So literally with that very first visit to that library, it really kind of carved a path and set me on this road for a long, long time.

Dr. Richard Shuster: 

And I'm excited to talk about what you're doing today and especially your new book, which is now available everywhere. But I would be remiss because it was glaring when I said it, Whistling champion. How did that start? Tell us about that.

Chris Ullman: 

Well, thankfully I'm able to whistle because not everyone can. So I inherited this, what I call a simple gift from my father when I was five years old. And I'm 60 now, so I've been whistling for 55 years. And I took this very simple ability to go to actually just make a sound and then developed it into a genuine instrument. Meaning I have a really broad repertoire. I have the technical prowess to be able to whistle symphonies, and I've whistle with 12 different symphony orchestras.  

And I've developed like really different and funky techniques that even most other whistlers can't do and started competing in the international competition in 1993. I competed nine times, won it four times. And it's like a lot of things in life. What do you do with your gift and what is your purpose? I know that's an important thing for you and your listeners. And so my purpose was like, what can I do with this? How can I share this simple gift with people? So I've competed, I've won prizes, I've been on TV shows and I've done Ted Talks and written a book and performed with symphony orchestras.  

And so it's really about spreading joy and trying to get people to think about what is their simple gift. Mine happens to be whistling, but you have gifts, and your listeners have gifts. And I have this counterintuitive approach, which is don't try to change the world, which is rather quixotic and for the most part, not possible. But if someone said change the world of the person next to you, that's actually doable. And that is what I try to do is I take my simple gift.  

And I, for example, whistle Happy Birthday 650 times a year for people. And so it's a very simple act is to acknowledge the life of someone else. And I whistle a custom happy birthday for them. I text it to them typically or email it, and I get back the sweetest notes from people just saying you made my day, I look forward to this every year. I'm not changing the world, but I'm bringing -- I'm using my gift to bring a little joy to someone else.

Dr. Richard Shuster: 

Well, this is no pun intended, music to my ears, as the whole mission of the show is for people to do acts of kindness for other people. So I love that, and we could spend an entire episode around this, no doubt. But I want to save the bulk of our time to talk about your book. And I was so interested in this book in particular, because the seminal books on like Think and Grow Rich, where Napoleon Hill studied intimately the details of very successful people, books like The Millionaire Next Door where success was looked at kind of a macro level. But your book, Four Billionaires and a Parking Attendant, I'm really curious to dig into this. What was the impetus for writing this book for you?

Chris Ullman: 

I love mentoring young people. So I've been in a mentoring program for 25 years, and I found myself working with these college seniors and recent grads and then helping them think through their careers, and which is really about helping them think through how to be successful, how to be their best. And I found myself -- and that's really the why. Like why? What is it all about? God gave me gifts and it's my duty to maximize them, to try to be my best not relative to the billionaires or other fancy people. It is to maximize the gifts that I have been given.  

And so I found myself, when I'm doing this mentoring of sharing all these great anecdotes. Oh, let me tell you a story about David Rubenstein and how he would have acted in this situation. Or let me tell you about this other billionaire I used to work for and how generous he is with homeless people. And these anecdotes just kind of built up over time. And then I went through this really interesting exercise of surveying all the people I've worked for in my career and many, many bigwigs and saying, what did I actually learn from them? And can I capture them, kind of codify them, put them in a book so that I will have a tool when I meet with young people for years to come?  

I mean, I've met with a bunch of young people just in the past month, and I look them in the eye, and I say, look at me. I said, read this book every word, and it will change your life about the way you think, the way you behave to be your best. And it's just so powerful. And one cool addendum here is that I worked hand in glove with each of these people. I didn't just curate a list of successful people and interview them and pick their brains. It was the exact opposite. I actually worked with them, saw them in action, saw what worked and what didn't, and then said, well, if it works for them, maybe it will work for me. And I'm a pretty regular guy. This is not running the Boston Marathon in three hours. This is like basic stuff. And it worked. So now I've captured it and I say if it works for me, it can work for you.

Dr. Richard Shuster: 

All right. So this is amazing. So take us through, obviously we can't do them all, but pick some of your favorite strategies that the really successful people implement in their lives.

Chris Ullman: 

One of the themes that runs throughout this book is humility. Now, with a title like Four Billionaires and a Parking Attendant, you might think billionaires aren't particularly humble. But the ones I know and the other bigwigs in the book, CEOs, chairmen of major organizations, very humble people, meaning they are very open to feedback because that is the key to growth. So here's a great anecdote. So this lesson is called think like your successor every day. And you might say, well how is that possible? I don't know who my successor is. And I say, well, it's really a lesson about being open minded and soliciting feedback from people who are actually interested in your growth as a person, as a professional and the like.  

So I learned this from Arthur Levitt. So Arthur Levitt now is a 92-year-old really amazing man who has done this incredible number of things in his career. But I worked for him when he was the chairman of the SEC, which is a really important regulatory body in Washington. And every day Arthur came to the office with new ideas. He's like a sponge saying, I want to learn.  

And he had this phrase. He said, you should think like your successor every day because he said, someday, you're either going to quit, you're going to die, you're going to be fired. Someone else is going to take your job, sit in the same chair, same desk, same computer, and they're going to survey everything you did in your job, and they're going to put it in four categories. They're going to have great, good, mediocre crazy. That's basically it. Everything you've done in your job, those are the four buckets. And he said they're going to get rid of the crazy stuff on day one. The mediocre stuff they're either going to get rid of or they're going to try to push it into the good category and the great stuff they're going to keep.  

And he said, why should I wait for my successor to get rid of the crazy and the mediocre? He said, I should be doing that. And, you know, but it's hard. It's really hard to do that because today is like yesterday and tomorrow is like today. Meaning we just get set in our ways and we have constancy. Now, there is some benefit to that because of pattern recognition and the like, and we become efficient in our jobs. But it's so easy to get stuck in doing it a certain way.  

And then when someone comes in and says, well, maybe you should think of it a little differently, people get offended and say, well, what do you know, I've been doing this job forever. Well, maybe they're right. So it's really important to give license to people, to give you constructive input. And some of it you won't agree with, but much of it you probably will. And if you're in a state of openness, what you can learn from others is just incredible. I mean, I went from the minor leagues, from where I grew up on Long Island in New York to the major leagues of Washington.  

My father always said, do your best. I didn't even know what my best was when I was a teenager. But when I came to Washington and I'm with these, like some of the most successful people in the world, and I'm not kidding about that, these are like Lou Gerstner, former CEO of IBM, Dan Akerson, the former CEO of GM. We've got four billionaires. We've got CFOs, chairman. I mean, like super powerful people. And I learned from them. And I said, wow, if I open my brain up and I'm humble, I can stuff the lessons in that I learned from them. And so I'm thinking like, literally like my successor every day.

Dr. Richard Shuster: 

So I'm loving this. So be humble, think like your successor. This is great. Give us another one. This is so good.

Chris Ullman: 

Yeah, yeah. There's another really, really, really, really important one here. This one's called act like you're relevant even when you're not. And this is especially important for young people. So this is how I learned this one. So John Kasich, who was a very senior government official on Capitol Hill, when he had no power, meaning he was in the Minority in the House of Representatives and the Minority has no power. It's the Majority that has all the power. He nonetheless produced a budget every year, even though it wouldn't go anywhere. And everyone said, you're crazy to do that because -- and he was a Republican. He said, the Democrats will just attack you.  

And he said, I want to tell people what I believe in and I'm going to do it anyway. So it was actually fairly successful because he was attacked, but he survived. But here's the important thing is that he then became the chairman of the committee when Republicans took over Congress in 1994. And the first thing he does as chairman, he goes to the shelf, pulls off the budget he produced when he was in the minority, slaps it on the table and says, that is what I stand for. I have confidence of my voters. The media know, I know how to do this stuff. My staff knows how to produce a budget. I am conversant in talking about the budget. So when he was irrelevant and he was in the Minority, he acted like he was relevant. He produced a budget. And that philosophy will have an approach to life, will have an immense impact on people.  

So, for example, if you're a junior person and you're in your first job and you're at a big conference table and the boss and all these other senior people are talking about the project of the day and the boss says, I need a memo written, or I need a speech written. I need talking points written. Most junior people just sit there and wait to be told what to do. Well, you should jump into the fray, raise your hand and say, I will do it. Now, you have power. You went from being irrelevant to relevant just like that in a heartbeat. Now, of course that's scary and you have to deliver. But it's a mindset that you thrust yourself into a situation and then you have to deliver. And that philosophy is just so important, like day in and day out of like being on the front foot. Don't be passive, be active. Act like you're relevant even when you're not.

Dr. Richard Shuster: 

In your time with all of these successful people, what strategies or advice did you learn, I should say, as it relates to building relationships and partnerships?

Chris Ullman: 

You know, at the core is treating people like humans. And one of the problems in Washington today is that you have these polar opposite ideologies, and they have demonized the other side. And what I propose, and I've seen in action, is that if you humanize the other side and realize that we do have some things in common, you may not like them as a person, and you may not agree with them most of the time. But if you can put the public interest first, find common ground where possible, you might actually get some things done. You might have to compromise a little.  

Let me give you an example. So John Kasich, again, really powerful leader. He was a Conservative Republican, but he worked with the Democrats all the time, and he got a lot done as a result. They balanced the federal budget from 2000. Actually, no, it was 1998, pardon me, 1998 to 2001. It hadn't been budget, it hadn't been balanced in 20 years, and it hasn't been balanced since. But he did that by working with Bill Clinton, who was a Democrat.  

Kasich worked with Ron Dellums, who was a very liberal Democrat from California, and they fought wasteful government spending. They got to be friends. They went to each other's weddings. Arthur Levitt, who I mentioned before, he found common ground with the Republican chairman of the Senate Budget Committee through the love of their dogs. They both love Labrador Retrievers, and they bonded over their dogs.  

So what did they do? They humanized each other, and they didn't just view them as an enemy. And I think it's especially important when the public interest is at stake. And it's not just you and your neighbor next door. And I wouldn't advocate for demonizing your neighbor either, but it's especially important in a public policy context. So humanization is critical, and you can actually get a lot of what you want. This is not about conceding and just giving the other side what they want. It's coming together and getting 50, 60, 70% of what you want, which I think is better than zero.

Dr. Richard Shuster: 

I love this. So these themes are great because they could be applicable in our personal lives. It could be applicable in our professional lives, whether we work for somebody else or whether we own our own businesses. So these are great tips. What about problem solving? So we've talked about humility, which is great. Finding commonalities with people with the context of that. How do really successful people solve problems that is different from those that aren't?

Chris Ullman: 

Yeah. So I'm really glad you brought that up, Dr. Richard, because the capacity, let me take one step back. So purpose is looking at life from I am here, and I want to be here. So I actually want to go somewhere. All right. And we all know that life is not perfect. So there will be impediments. And a common trait among the most successful people is that they go over, around, under, or through impediments. Meaning, and it's all about creative problem solving.  

When I interview people for jobs, if they're going to work for me, that is always a key question. Describe your capacity to solve problems creatively, because that's what life is. You could equate it to skiing. So when you're at the top of the hill, you're just doing nothing. It's safe. The view may be nice, but you're not skiing. But when you point downhill and this is what life is like, you are now -- it's a controlled fall. Life is a controlled fall. Sometimes there's going to be beautiful powder. Sometimes there are going to be rocks and trees. And the key is your capacity to manage those impediments along the way.  

So I'll give you an example now. So this is very powerful. So David Rubenstein's capacity to pivot. And one of the lessons is about the pivoting to solution mode. So you have problem. And then you have to be able to pivot. So the first thing you do is you have to manage emotion. A lot of times when something happens, especially if you think it's unfair, you wallow in the unfairness. Oh my gosh, it's so unfair, so unfair. And you tell everyone how unfair it is and you're wringing your hands and oh my gosh, David wallows for five seconds when there's a problem and then pivots to solution mode. So he is much more transactional and less logical. I think a perfect ratio is 80 percent logic, 20 percent emotion.  

And so here's a very specific example. And so David, who happens to be Jewish, bought some torahs, which are the Pentateuch first five books of the Bible. And they were of a Holocaust era or provenance, meaning they were actually found in concentration camps, taken out. David had them repaired and then given to a prominent synagogue in New York City. And at the ceremony, and I was a big part of this, they were Holocaust survivors there. I mean, it was very powerful. Okay.  

A year later, we find out that they were fake, that the person had lied. They were not from a concentration camp. They were literally faked. And this was very startling because the newspapers and prominent journalists were writing, starting to write articles about it. So, David, I delivered the news, and he was shocked for five seconds. Then he pivots.  

He calls up the Holocaust Memorial Museum and says, I need the top torah expert in the world, gets that person on the phone says, I need you to find me authentic torahs that I can repair and then replace at the synagogue. And a year later, we did. And he's not the kind to wallow and to the point where it stops him from getting over the impediment. I mean, we're all human, so you're going to have some reaction to impediments, but can you focus on the logic, manage the emotion, and then figure out how to go above, beyond, through whatever the impediment?

Dr. Richard Shuster: 

That's great stuff, Chris. You've given us some really good guideposts that people can use, mirroring the success of some of these people who have had a remarkable degree of success. I used success twice in a sentence. That's a no-no. But I'm wondering or I suspect, I'm not wondering, but I suspect there's also you've given us the things to do. You probably have a list of things to not do, things that successful people avoid like the plague. Could you share a few of those with us?

Chris Ullman: 

Yes. So some people, when I was telling them about this book during the writing of it, they said, oh, you're just a suck up to all these rich people. And I say, listen, I learned a lot of great stuff, but I learned things you shouldn't do as well. So there is a list in the book of the top ten things you should not do. And a couple of examples is don't be arbitrary. And arbitrariness is a very bad thing. It basically says it's my way or the highway. People aren't interested in other points of view. And I have witnessed this at the highest levels. So don't be arbitrary. Don't be mean. Meanness can feel good because you're lording your power over another human. I've seen that too, and it's really despicable.  

Another one is, and it's really, really important is don't confuse movement with progress, because if you walk in a circle, you're actually moving, but you're not getting anywhere. And too often people do stuff that kind of create heat, but you're really not getting anywhere in life. So be very mindful of the difference between movement and actually actual progress.  

Another one is don't bow down to the committee. Committees are not meant to be bold thinkers. They are -- they make the rough smooth and the crooked straight. And it's average. Committees are average. And if you always bow down to the committee, you will be average and you will not be superlative. You know the person -- one of my favorite examples is that little car called the mini. The mini is a very unique dashboard. It has a speedometer that's literally a foot wide in the middle of the dashboard. No car has that.  

And one day I drove by one of those and I looked, and I saw the dashboard and I said, a committee did not design that dashboard. An innovative, bold thinker designed that dashboard and made the case and got the committee to agree with him or her. And a committee would have said, oh, no, you can't have a big speedometer in the middle of the dashboard. It's got to go right in front of the driver. And it has to be no more than four inches in diameter. And that's how committees think. So don't bow down to the committee. Very, very dangerous. And anyway, I could go on and on and on, but those are, I think four or five right there.

Dr. Richard Shuster: 

No, they're great. The one that really stuck out to me is movement versus progress, because I know plenty of people who will tell me how busy they are, and their calendar is full Monday through Friday from 8 to 5, but a lot of that is busy work and it's not really progress. But you said something interesting earlier that yesterday is like today and tomorrow is like today, right? This sameness, this constancy. So I'm wondering if you could take us deeper into movement versus progress, because we may not be able to see in the day to day whether we're moving or whether we're progressing. So what are some of the things you've learned from successful people to make that distinction?

Chris Ullman: 

Yeah. It really is super important. I've had a number of bosses who are really great at driving a process. So if your readers pick up the book, I think they will, they'll really appreciate some of these like very specific examples I give of people who are very progress oriented.  

So here's an example. So I'm with Arthur Levitt and he has this big suite at the Securities and Exchange Commission and we're standing right next to each other. And he's rattling through a bunch of things on his mind. All right. Here's project X, here's project Y, here I want to do this, this and this and this. And I'm writing things down and we're talking. And then after ten minutes he says, so how's it going? And I said, how's what going? And he said, the first item on the to do list. And I said, how could I be working on that when I'm here talking to you? And he said, you better get going. And he just walks away. And that is called be impatient, get things done.  

Another one is, be responsive and get things done. Dave Rubenstein is immensely responsive. And so his capacity to look at an email you sent him or on a phone call and he digests it. And if you manage him well and you say, David, here's a situation, here are the options I recommend option B. And if he says yes, boom, you're off to the races. But he doesn't wait a week to get back to you. He tells you right away. He's very decisive. So if you're impatient like Arthur was, you spur people to action, but with a specific goal in mind and not a hand-wringing type thing, oh, we have three options. And you spend like, inordinate amount of time pondering these options.  

No, it's like a common element among successful people is their ability to digest information, come up with options, pick an option, and then act on the option rather than I mean, I know people who complain for months on end about their job, their spouse, their terrible situation here or there. And inevitably I will say, well, here are some options, why don't you go with option B, it seems reasonable. And then two months later, they still haven't made a decision.  

So there's impatience, responsiveness I think are really helpful for getting people further along their journey. But in coupled with that though is having a goal. You know this. One day you said, I want to have a podcast so that becomes your goal. And then there are 15, 20, 50 steps you have to go through. So being methodical of working your way from one step to the next, to the next, to the next, in this very linear fashion. Sometimes there'll be roadblocks and that's fine. But you work towards getting over those roadblocks so you can get to the destination. And that's what purpose is all about.  

I mean, when I meet a young person at 22, 23-year-old and I say, what's in your heart? What are you excited about? And they kind of go, I really don't know. And I look at them and I say, your life is 25 percent over. Why do you not have any idea what your purpose is? Now, I'm not saying it should be crystal clear, but if you've thought about it and prayed about it and conferred with people and studied, a purpose will evolve over time. And I'm 60, I don't know how old you are, but purpose changes depending on the time period of your life as well.  

Now that my last kid is about to go to college, I'm not in child rearing mode every day. So I'm in mentoring mode now. That's why I wrote this book. I want to spend a lot of time mentoring young people. So, yes. So if you want to be productive and not spinning your wheels, you have to have purpose. You have to have impatience. You have to be responsive. And those are a couple of the characteristics I think that can drive a process.

Dr. Richard Shuster: 

Terrific. Chris, this has been such a great conversation. I learned a lot. As you know, I wrap up every episode by asking my guests a single question. That is, what is your biggest helping, one most important piece of information you'd like somebody to walk away with after hearing our conversation today?

Chris Ullman: 

Be grateful. Gratitude is critical. One of the founders of Carlyle, was in an interview with a reporter, and he was recounting growing up with a single mom and how they struggled. And he works hard and gets a great education, eventually becomes a billionaire. And he says he levitates out of bed every day with gratitude for his blessings. And I'm like, that is the most important lesson in the book, to be grateful for what you've got. That doesn't mean you don't suffer, but we must focus on the positive, and that emphasis can actually be a momentum that helps you get over the negative as well.

Dr. Richard Shuster: 

I love it. Chris, tell us where people can find out more about you online and where they can get your hands on your book.

Chris Ullman: 

So I have a really fun website that's about both my new book as well as the whistling. It's called ChrisUllman.com. C-H-R-I-S-U-L-L-M-A-N.com. My new book, Four Billionaires and a Parking Attendant and which I'm really excited about is on Amazon, and Barnes and Noble, Books-a-Million. And my goal is to do more corporate speaking and try to inspire young people to be their best, because that's what this is about. Not being good relative to someone else is being your personal best.

Dr. Richard Shuster: 

I love it. I absolutely love it. We will have everything Chris Ullman in the show notes at drrichardshuster.com, so you can click on those links for yourself and get your hands on his book, which is, like I said, now available everywhere. Chris, I loved our conversation today. Thank you so much for coming on The Daily Helping and sharing your wisdom with everybody listening.

Chris Ullman: 

Dr. Richard, thank you for having me and I wish you much continued success.

Dr. Richard Shuster: 

I appreciate that. I also want to thank each and every one of you who took time out of your day to listen to this conversation. If you're inspired, if you learn something, if you have new ideas that can help move your life work with purpose and passion and productivity, go give us a five-star review and a follow on your podcast app of choice, because this is what helps other people find the show. But most importantly, go out there today and do something nice for somebody else, even if you don't know who they are. And post it in your social media feeds using the hashtag #MyDailyHelping because the happiest people are those that help others.